Perfectionism & Shame: The Price of Invulnerability

Perfectionism & Shame:  The Price of Invulnerability

Are you a perfectionist?  If so, read on!

Like many, you may think vulnerability is a weakness.  In fact, it is not.  It’s a symptom of shame, that sick feeling inside that says your very being is terribly flawed or wrong.

I’m particularly interested in this topic because shame was a big part of my childhood.  I learned to hide myself literally and figuratively, lest I be shamed.  You can read the full story of my battle with shame (disguised as an eating disorder) in the soon to be released Women on Fire: 21 Inspiring Women Share the Life Secrets coming out this month.

But I’m not the only one affected by it.  Vulnerability is a hot and important topic in the media right now because so many have been affected by perfectionism and shame. Oprah’s OWN network will be airing several episodes on this powerful topic later this month  featuring Brene Brown (Sept 22 & 29).

Brown is a sociologist. In a nutshell, after collecting years of sociological data, she has concluded some startling, albeit empowering insights recapped below here by Women on Fire Founder, Debbie Phillips:

•    If perfectionism is driving, shame is always riding shotgun, and fear is the backseat driver.

•    Every single one of us struggles with shame.  But shame cannot survive being spoken.

I like to say your shame is your fame. Once you name it, the very thing you were hiding (shame) becomes your fame— the beacon of light and love that brings you connection, love and an extraordinary life.

Admittedly, I’m feeling quite vulnerable about my story soon to be published! I’m one of twenty-one amazing co-authors who have a chapter dedicated to their stories and the information, strategies and support they used to face a challenge and be deposited on the other side better for it.

If you haven’t yet watched Brenee Brown’s Ted Talk on Vulnerability, do it now! .  And lastly, join me for live coursework right here in Columbus that will give you the experience of strength and empowerment that comes from being vulnerable in the Yoga Teacher Training Program with Laurel Hodory & Faculty.  Applications are now being accepted.

Practice
The next time you find yourself striving for perfectionism, ask What is my motivation?  Is it approval from others in order to feel good about myself?   Or is it fear of being found out that you can’t do it perfectly?  Write about it and then share it with me here on my blog.