This past week, my yoga practice has taken a magic step forward. On monday, I tried to go into a backbend from standing. I crashed on my head the first couple of times, until I integrated that I needed to keep my arms strong, and then, it just clicked. It felt very easy. I had only tried with someone helping me before, but it’s such a great feeling to do it on my own. This started an interesting thought process for me. I have absolutely no fear of backbends. I am ready to explore, push my limits, try new things. I just feel comfortable and strong, and I really enjoy the feeling of being in a backbend. Starting from my feet could seem scary, and it was a little at first, but I had no hesitation about facing this fear, and it was easily overcome. I have had the opposite experience with headstands and handstands. Now, I can do a headstand in the middle of room. I have finally managed to find my balance. But I still feel some fear and tension. And as you know, I have been struggling with handstands too. I know my body can do it. So, it made me wonder what kind of emotions I associate with backbends and handstands that make me have such different experiences. One of my friends suggested that going into a backbend from standing means starting from a very grounded posture, standing on my feet. It’s familiar and safe, and this gives me the strength to go for it. It’s quite a different story for handstands. And so, I started to think about it all, and I would be curious to know what you think.
The amazing thing is that I haven’t found the answer yet, but on friday, for the first time, I managed to kick up to handstand at the wall. That morning, I just set my mind on facing my fears and doing it. It took many many times kicking up. But with each time, I could feel it getting closer. I just knew it was going to happen. I could feel my handstand coming to life, becoming a reality. And it happened. It was such an amazing feeling, not just standing on my hands, but finally having overcome something that I have been dreading and struggling with for so long. It made me feel like I can do anything now!! It was something that I saw as a huge mountain that I had to climb, a huge obstacle. And now that I am on top of the mountain, this obstacle doesn’t look so big anymore. I will keep this experience in mind each time I am faced with an obstacle that seems too big for me. I will remind myself that the obstacles are only as big as we make them, because when we are on the other side, they really don’t look so big anymore. It’s the idea we have of something that’s scary, not the thing itself….
Reposted with permission from:
Anne Devismes, 2010 Yoga with Laurel Teacher Traininee (200 hr)